Marriage Work
​(Summary)

There are 3 ways to do marriage: My way, Your way and Our way. Our way is the most challenging, because then we get to face and repair my, your and our brokenness, as we simultaneously build our marriage into a team together.

Because we are forever working with brokenness, we focus on repairing those times we fall apart, rather than doing marriage right. There are four steps. We set the stage for a productive conversation,
    (1) Stop to check my heart - what's happening inside me and my intentions 
    (2) Listen to my spouse's heart - what's happening inside you.
Then we discuss what's happening in our relationship and how to move forward,
    (3) Look for ways we can connect and be seen, heard and understood.
    (4) Walk together, discuss our plan and take the next step.
This is the SLoW path to repair - both each of us individually and our relationship - every time our relationship breaks.

In therapy we internalize healthy marriage perspectives and practice skills to weave our lives together into a team, while walking along four paths:
    (1) Love: How well do we join, connect and understand what is happening inside our partner, ourselves and our relationship? Are we experiencing a climate of acceptance and appreciation? Do we feel seen, heard and understood?
    (2) Commitment: How honest, vulnerable and forgiving are we? How confident are we that we will be together forever? Do we feel soothed and settled in our marriage?
    (3) Trust: How well do we pay attention to each other, ourselves and whether we are building up or tearing down? Are we practicing our faith together? Do we feel safe and free to be vulnerable and transparent?
    (4) Intimacy: How deeply do we know and feel known by each other? Do we share our thoughts and feelings and bodies and spiritual walks? What is our plan for us going forward? How do we want to participate in community? What kind of wake do we leave behind us after being with friends?

In summary, doing the work of marriage equips us to see, hear, feel and think more accurately. We settle on the inside. We enjoy our spouse. We learn what to say, how to say it and when. We grow in our faith. Finally, our relationship and conversations flow, as we walk through situations together. Then we enjoy being married.